Earplugs at the ready

If you had to sit in a room with fifteen other people of roughly similar ages, what kind of amusements would you suggest to entertain you all? Bear in mind you are probably pretty immobile and don't have that much energy and have nothing in common with the majority of people in the room. It's quite difficult, isn't it?

Mum (88) lives in an elderly people's residential home and occasionally they get entertainers. According to my mum some are good, some OK and some just plain awful. Some are so bad she has her own ear plugs at the ready to block out the noise. Now it has to be said that mum would only be truly happy if the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band came marching into the residents' lounge or if 'Songs of Praise' came knocking on the door. Hallelujah! She is quite a demanding customer. But there again why should everyone like the same thing?

We popped in last Sunday to see mum. She was overjoyed to see us. Very overjoyed. We had come just in the nick of time to rescue her from the organ player, quite a sweet old bloke who in my mum's words "goes on and on". He did seem pretty bad. Mind you, Peggy who sits next to mum seemed to be really enjoying his tunes. Again in a room full of fifteen people you aren't going to please everyone.

It got me thinking. The government is worried about how it and we will pay for care for the elderly in the future. My main worry is not how will I pay for my residential care but how I will be entertained. What will I have to endure when I'm 88. I ain't going to be happy with a refrain of "It's a long way to Tipperary" or endless Elvis numbers (good as they can be) or a dirge on the organ. The entertainers who come seem to take their tunes from a songbook dated circa 1930 to 1959. I want Elvis Costello not Presley and a little John Martyn with some Emelie Sande thrown in and some Paloma Faith to cheer me up and keep me young. Seriously it won't be long before people born in the late 1940s will be the unlucky ones in residential care and I have no evidence at the moment that the entertainers are knocking out the Rolling Stones or The Who.

Perhaps in the future entertainment will be much more sophisticated or perhaps we will be much more tech savvy. We will tune into our ipods and watch the TV on our laptops or whatever the equivalent is in the future.  But I am a tad worried that I will have to sit there listening to Kylie Minogue and Steps and endless Abba impersonators. Now a little Kylie is great and Abba is just superb although I draw the line at Steps but endless renditions and probably poor ones at that sounds very unappealing. Still it'll all be OK - my 5 year old daughter has said she will come visit me. Perhaps she'll come in the nick of time and take me away.